There are birds in the microwave here.

I couldn't make that up. A (seemingly straight) couple of birds has built a nest and is raising bird children behind the microwave in my cousin's kitchen.

I set out to remedy this. The first thing I had to do, said Google, was figure out what kind of birds they were. The possibilities were endless. But I narrowed it down to sparrows, swallows, or minnows.

("Swallows"?? Who names a bird that?? But I figured out why "sparrows": Some hunters were out to kill big birds (no caps) and saw this little meatless thing flying about but then went, "Hell, we haven't shot no big birds. Ya gotta a spare-arrow?")

Why I bothered narrowing the birds' identity down so completely, I don't know. I could've just said, "It is not a flamingo; it is smaller." Because in the end, whatever little sucker it was, we were supposed to wait until it left and then make sure it couldn't get back in.

But of course! The laws never favor the landlord.

Swallow.