Overheard at a San Francisco Gay Pride Parade

Gay Pride participant in T-shirt and jeans:  
Officer, can I take my beer down there to the dock?  

SF Cop:  
Son, there are guys down there dressed in nothing but gold paint. I don't think anyone is going to notice your beer.

Overheard at a Party

<small children running around cocktail party>

host, to the father:  do they like soda?  

father:  yeah. they didn't take to it at first, but we 
            just kept forcing it on them. . . .

 

OMG, I think I might be a hypochondriac.

Is there a test for that?  Should I get a second opinion??

It's embarrassing to go into your doctor and tell them that you think you have some illness or disorder because you looked up your symptoms on the internet. I do this pretty regularly, though. I'm in there to get a second opinion, i.e., one other than my own.

My doctor is a tough broad, though. If she's anything, she's dismissive. Here's a representative review of her I found online (honest-to-god, I did not write this myself):

Definitely needs to work on interpersonal skills. Does not communicate well, or at all. Blamed patient for condition, ignored or dismissed symptoms. Told me I just needed to live with it. 

Yep, that's her all right. When I express my concern about my current complaint—ear pain, really, not hypochondria—she'll say what she always says, "You're fine! But you do need to lose weight."

I'm going to go in anyway. Maybe she'll disconfirm my diagnosis and refuse me antibiotics.

Button I gave her.  I thought a
gift might help her warm to me.
  No dice.

Definitely needs to work on interpersonal skills. Very unprofessional at times, did not communicate instructions well, or at all, blamed patient for condition, ignored or dismissed symptoms, VERY defensive when confronted about these issues.  

Definitely needs to work on interpersonal skills. Very unprofessional at times, did not communicate instructions well, or at all, blamed patient for condition, ignored or dismissed symptoms

Guest Blogger: Asa, age 12

Asa, Guest Sportswriter

The following article was written for 7th grade English class. Asa notes: This is expository writing so there should be no humor or opinions inserted into the information. (He's worried you'll expect my writing style here.)

Youth Football Players 

and Their Injuries

A big problem schools and youth football leagues face, is injuries kids sustain when playing, and injuries like concussions can create serious physical and mental problems, even death, later on in life. Every fall in the U.S., 1.2 million kids play high school tackle football, this creates many problems for coaches and families, and creates injuries galore, but cannot really be stopped except for abolishing high school football completely. 

Most of the kids who play in youth leagues, try to hit others as hard as they can, either for a thrill, to appear tough, or to send a message to the other team. To stop this, coaches could talk with their team about the physical dangers this presents. Or create more touch football leagues. High school football players endanger their lives, brains, and spines while playing football, but to some, it is worth the risk.

50% of all high school football players receive concussions during the time they play, and 35% get more than one. One way this could be reduced, is if coaches and team doctors watch kids who take hits to the head, face, or neck, closer if they start to show symptoms. If you know one of your players or teammates has had a concussion before, you could encourage them to take a break for their health, explain to them why they should sit out a game so they don’t receive a second or third concussion. 

Concussions can create serious problems having to do with your brain, and physical appearance. If it comes to this, all you can do is get to a hospital and receive surgery, where they will remove blood clots and steady your brain in your skull. Concussions cause serious problems with youth football, as do spinal cord injuries that can result in paralyzation to the lower body, or full body.

Kort, before his injury

Injuries such as concussions to high school football players and other younger players can be seriously damaging, such as to a boy named Kort Breckenridge. Kort was the captain of the football team, a star Safety. After making an impressive interception, he returned to the returned to the bench because of a headache. Soon after, he returned to the game. After making what seemed to be a routine tackle, he collapsed and complained of severe head trauma. Kort was rushed to the hospital, and received brain surgery for a very severe concussion. Now Kort lives with semi-retardation and has speaking problems.

As you can see, many youth players’ families across the United States have been destroyed by deaths or serious injuries to the children. Most of these occur in a story like Kort’s. This could definitely be changed, mostly by implementing safer ways to play, and medical staff or coaches watching players closer to see if they are experiencing symptoms of an injury possibly sustained while playing.

We thank Asa for his contribution and hope to publish him again in the future. His expository writing is always welcome, along with anything he may write that is humorous and gives his opinions. 

Remember my dog? Silas?

You know, the Australian Cattledog? The one I sometimes follow around the house, like he does me, just to make him anxious? The one who was in a big cemetery with me at night once and I told him it was a Pet Semetary?? ¡Ja ja ja! (That's Spanish for "funny.")

He's okay, he just hates the camera.

This guy. -------------------->


He looks kind of anxious here. He's a very anxious dog, really. He didn't seem like that when I first got him, but as time goes on he gets more and more anxious....




So Silas and I were outside this morning, futzing with the recyclables, and he suddenly went wild to the point where I had to go to ground to hang onto him. And when I looked behind me... there was a... SKUNK! A really BIG! SKUNK! In full fire extinguisher mode!

Silas and I ran down the yard and up the steps and across the porch and into the house—bang!  But later I was thinking...

What would I do if Silas really did get skunked? In warmer weather I could handle it. Break out the hydrogen peroxide and Dawn and let's have a party. But in the winter? God.

And then it hit me. I know what I'd do. I'd take Silas to the shelter, maybe even drive there with him on a leash out the window. (That's not illegal, right? If I go slow?) I'd tell the people at the shelter, I just found this dog. Guess he got skunked. After a couple of days I could go back and adopt him. Beautiful, huh?

My Nemesis, Facebook

Remember my post about how I don't want Asa to be on Facebook, or at the very least not until he's 13? Well . . . 

February 15, 2012

Associated Press 

Mass. student Facebook pictures end up on porn site

Wed Feb 15, 2012, 06:31 AM EST AnonymousCHARLTON — State and federal law enforcement authorities are looking into how the pictures of 17 Massachusetts high school students ended up on a pornographic website.

Police in Charlton say it appears the pictures of the fully clothed Bay Path Regional Vocational Technical School students were lifted from their Facebook pages and reproduced on the pornographic website that is based outside the U.S.

The images included town and school signs. [ital mine] 

Police tell the Telegram & Gazette what was most disturbing is that the site had images of child pornography. [ital mine]

Police are urging students to limit access to their Facebook pages.

I'm Alexandria. Fly me.

I can't count the number of times I've read negative news about Facebook privacy and underage safety. To me, it's clear:  Facebook is not for kids. File this under "mindful parenting."

What's the Worst Car You Ever Had?

Aw, never mind, really. Because if we had this contest, I would so hands-down win it that the rest of you would cry foul.

That's because when I got married, straight (ahem) out of high school, my new husband owned (and so then I owned) a... wait for it...

AMC Pacer!

Nice exterior color choice for an ad. Faded rotten plum had wide general appeal.
And... um... was she going surfing in that get-up??

You remember the Pacer, with its ad campaign, It's too wide! It's too wide!, and showgirls falling off the side of the runway as the Pacer came down it. Whew! If you don't remember that, you should look for a video of it. It won't be time wasted.

The Pacer, designed by Richard Teague (remember that name), had its mechanical problems, and body integrity problems, and... well, a lot of bad things. Possibly its worst feature was its window design—and I'm not just talking aesthetics. Imagine you're in a snow dome, in full sun. With completely ineffective air conditioning. You'd parch and die.

 

The Gremlin had an oddly amputated butt....

Now, as bad as the Pacer was, there must be rival "worst" cars. But I think the only one that could come close to my Pacer is if someone had the... 

    AMC Gremlin!

The Gremlin, designed by Richard Teague—no way, that guy again? Yes, our boy Richard designed a virtual phalanx of "worst cars," including the AMC Javelin, Matador, Hornet, and Eagle. Did I mention the Matador? It bears repeating.

Ever wonder why AMC went out of business? No? Well, now you never have to.

So to seal the deal on my win for Worst Car:  TIME Magazine, out of its list of the 50 Worst Cars of All Time voted the Pacer #1.

<Cue crowds roaring.>

Cinderella. Kiss me. I don't care what day it is.

{[(5 - 3) + 6 - 2 = 6 - 1] = 5 - 1 = 4} - 1 = 3 - 1 = 2 books, and one is reviewed here... so 1 book left after this!

8. Quentin Tarantino and Philosophy

This is just one volume in the series Popular Culture and Philosophy, George A. Reisch, series editor. There must be a hundred books in the series by now.

The idea is to apply philosophical questions to popular television series or movie(s). But not always. There are topics like Metallica and Philosophy, Baseball and Philosophy, Harley-Davidson and Philosophy, and even iPod and Philosophy. These alongside Family Guy and Philosophy, The Matrix and Philosophy, House and Philosophy, and [Any Video Game You've Ever Played] and Philosophy.

To enjoy the books, you need some knowledge of philosophy (Western and Eastern), but not a lot. You'll want to be substantially familiar with the subject matter, be it a television series or a trendy diet plan. (Philosophy and the Atkins Diet. I kid you not.) When I started the series, I was worried my philosophy background was too rusty. That's not the problem: It's that I'm only familiar with about a tenth of the pop culture addressed and that knowledge is what you need to get into it.

The Quentin Tarantino volume deals with some of the more obvious philosophical aspects of his movies. The majority of the philosopher-writers take off from competing moral theories and apply them to characters and events in the film. With Tarantino's movies, you could pretty much build an academic career doing only that.

Other subfields investigated are Time and Causality, as in Pulp Fiction, where telling the story out of sequence gives multiple takes on cause and effect; and, the concepts of identity and spirituality, with reference to Jules' epiphany in Pulp Fiction and the Bride's conversion from "natural born killer" (Tarantino's self-tribute?) to "Mommy" in Kill Bill.

Uma Thurman, as The Bride in Kill Bill
(and now, my desktop image)

John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson as Vincent and Jules in Pulp Fiction

This is a thought-provoking and entertaining book in a very creative series. This is one of my favorite volumes. Of all the volumes I've read, my "#1 favorite" is House and Philosophy. Oh wait, Lost and Philosophy. But then I really enjoyed The Office and Philosophy. You get the idea.





 

What are You afraid of?

When you cross the border from the United States into Canada,
they ask if you have any guns.

When you cross from Canada into the United States, they ask if
you have any fruit.

Middle School Dance

Asa got his ticket for Friday's school dance today. He seemed awfully pleased about it.

I asked, "Are you going to dance the slow dances?"

He said, "No, you just ask random girls to dance and most of the time they say no."

"What do you all do if no one's dancing?," I wanted to know.

"Everyone just walks around and acts awkward."

The Real Nicknames of Guernsey County, #4

You grow up and marry the neighbor kid and then move in or take over an old trailer on your family's land. Then your kids grow up just like you and they marry and move onto the land with you. As a generation passes, you move up into the better trailer or you might even clear off a piece of land and build a little house on it....

There's a family 'round Byesville with the last name Gombeda. I always wondered about the surname. It was unusual in our county—just the one family is named that, far as I knew. So I was looking it up.... Surprisingly, I couldn't find an origin for it. Maybe Italian? Not many Italian Appalachians in Guernsey County, but the Hatfield/McCoy histories have them getting mixed up with rival Italian moonshiners. And, well, Hatfield/McCoy 'R' Us.

An even bigger surprise to me was that Gombeda is so rare a name that only Ohio and Pennsylvania have any more than ten white page listings for it. And it must not be Italian—Jersey only has two. I wonder if the Gombedas I know realize all this....

You have to think that the Gombeda family is partial to nicknaming. Some evidence that comes to mind are Mud Gombeda, Jug Gombeda, and Speed Gombeda.

These boys were given regular names at birth. Mud's name is Daniel. He owns a bar in Byesville.  Jug's name was Ronald; Speed's was Michael. The latter two died young—I don't know why but if I think to find out, I'll do an update. Now, if it weren't in poor taste, I would take bets on whether the boys' nicknames appeared in their obituaries. I know they appeared in their sister's obit—here's what I found in the local paper, from 2009:

In addition to her parents, she was preceded in death by two brothers, Michael "Speed" and Ronald "Jug" Gombeda. She is survived by seven brothers... [six men's names, with no nicknames noted] and Daniel "Mud" Gombeda of Byesville. 




Did I mention that Mud's bar is called "Mud's"?





'Round back, Mud has a wooden log "flowerbed."



I remember one spring, log flower beds suddenly sprung up in yards all around Byesville. Sometimes there were two or three, if the yard held more than one trailer. One day, driving around, Tice asked if we should get one for our yard and I said, "Uh, no, Dad."