What's the Worst Car You Ever Had?

Aw, never mind, really. Because if we had this contest, I would so hands-down win it that the rest of you would cry foul.

That's because when I got married, straight (ahem) out of high school, my new husband owned (and so then I owned) a... wait for it...

AMC Pacer!

Nice exterior color choice for an ad. Faded rotten plum had wide general appeal.
And... um... was she going surfing in that get-up??

You remember the Pacer, with its ad campaign, It's too wide! It's too wide!, and showgirls falling off the side of the runway as the Pacer came down it. Whew! If you don't remember that, you should look for a video of it. It won't be time wasted.

The Pacer, designed by Richard Teague (remember that name), had its mechanical problems, and body integrity problems, and... well, a lot of bad things. Possibly its worst feature was its window design—and I'm not just talking aesthetics. Imagine you're in a snow dome, in full sun. With completely ineffective air conditioning. You'd parch and die.

 

The Gremlin had an oddly amputated butt....

Now, as bad as the Pacer was, there must be rival "worst" cars. But I think the only one that could come close to my Pacer is if someone had the... 

    AMC Gremlin!

The Gremlin, designed by Richard Teague—no way, that guy again? Yes, our boy Richard designed a virtual phalanx of "worst cars," including the AMC Javelin, Matador, Hornet, and Eagle. Did I mention the Matador? It bears repeating.

Ever wonder why AMC went out of business? No? Well, now you never have to.

So to seal the deal on my win for Worst Car:  TIME Magazine, out of its list of the 50 Worst Cars of All Time voted the Pacer #1.

<Cue crowds roaring.>