28 December 2011

5 Warnings We Could Get Rid

Yeah, everyone laughs at "Do Not Eat," but there are others...

Now if they mentioned this trick,
they would at least be helpful.
1. Insert tab to close. 
It's on every box of food we've opened since the 1950's. I think we've got it mastered.

2. Repeat. 
As in, "Lather, Rinse, Repeat." They just want us to use it up twice as fast. It's like, "Apply Liberally" = "Use Way Too Much."

3. Check engine.
Please, how often, really, do we need to check the engine? Every time I go into Mike's Garage for this, Mike says, Oh, yeah, we just have to reset a little something. What Mike means is, we just have to reset the "Check Engine" light.

The "universal" No Shoplifting sign.
I wonder what they use for No Hiking.
4. No Shoplifting.
So... let me get this straight... you're saying that stealing is not allowed here? Well, I'll just take my shoplifting elsewhere. I've even seen this sign in stores: "Shoplifting Is Stealing." Do they think the problem stems from limited vocabulary?

5. Do Not Hold Over People.
I ran across this in the course of my "research" for this post. It is on my coffee pot. I'm thinking I may be the only person who ever read it. I really can't imagine a situation around this occuring in nature. So, worn or not, this just needs to go:


  1. "Do not fold, spindle or mutilate". Does anyone mutilate any more, or is that left over from the 18th century?

  2. Once in a while, when I just can't help myself, I spindle. I know, I shouldn't....

  3. Doomo arigatoo gozaimashu, tapusama.

  4. Dude, you really do speak Japanese?? In Alabama, what the hell for?